Setting Boundaries with Needy Students

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Most educators have had students who push the limits in regard to needing help with assignments, skills, and/or personal issues. Teachers tend to be caring, compassionate people with “rescuer” tendencies, so they can easily be overwhelmed by these students. For example, you may have an individual in a class who constantly wants to reply to questions, dominate discussions, get your undivided attention on the progress of their assignment, etc., or you may have students who want to pull you aside to share their latest personal crisis and seek your advice. Perhaps the most awkward example is a student with some reasonable accommodations who tries to push these well beyond their intent.
So what is a caring teacher to do? This post should help.
The 90/10 Rule
Dr. Mary McKinney stated the larger context of this issue well when she labeled this the 90/10 Rule (2003). McKinney explains that often people will talk about how 80% of the stress in our lives comes from only 20% of our problems (2003). This is also known as the Pareto Principle after Italian economist Vilfredo Pareto who noticed that 80/20 splits are common in human culture, and relationship expert Dr. Adam Sheck explains that this does apply to our relationships (18 January, 2011). McKinney, however, explains that when it comes to the relationship between needy students and teachers, the rule narrows to 90/10, meaning that 90% of a teacher’s stress derives from 10% of the students—specifically, these needy, disruptive students.

Most of us in education would probably agree and add the frustration that this 10% takes up the largest portion of our time and energy. Beyond the actual interaction with these students, there may be forms to complete, resources to find, meetings to attend, etc. Many of us at times also feel unprepared and untrained to deal with some of the issues needy students present. For instance, most of us do not hold credentials in mental health counseling to assist a student who we suspect may benefit from that sort of assistance.
Sheck does offer the start of a solution. He points out that in these situations, people—in this case teachers—need to pick their battles wisely (18 January, 2011). We may not be able to change a needy, disruptive student, but we can certainly choose the most stressful behavior, make recommendations to the student, and hold him or her to it, for instance.
Ideally, however, we could prevent these situations from occurring in the first place.
An Ounce of Prevention
There are some steps faculty should take prior to and at the start of each class; these should then be maintained throughout the semester.
Be Prepared: One way to reduce the incidence of disruptions from attention-seeking students is to plan a class that is well managed and engaging for students while setting up boundaries on your time. For instance, McKinney suggests not being available to students 24/7; rather set up clear policies for how you handle email and other communication (e.g., only during office hours) (2003). She also suggests establishing clear policies about late papers and missed exams (2003). I would add that you should consider expanding these policies to include other expectations including classroom behavior and interaction; however, do so only within the guidelines of your institution as some do not allow faculty to make any changes to a standard syllabus. Likewise, focus on creating assignments and activities that will keep students actively interested and engaged. Generally, making the course content relevant to students’ lives is a good place to start. McKinney mentions not over-preparing for lessons as this can become an endless pursuit of perfectionism: “Allow yourself to teach a ‘good enough’ class” the first time through; then build upon it each semester as you receive both solicited and unsolicited feedback from students (2003). I would add that being a bit flexible with how you approach a lesson based on the day’s context can sometimes result in a better learning experience.
Be Vigilant: Educators often watch for incidents of cheating, students who appear confused on an assignment, and other such issues that may interfere with their learning. Therefore, observe the behavior of students during the first few days of class. The needy students typically make themselves known early on, so address the behavior the moment it happens. For example, if a student wants to be the center of attention by responding to all of your questions, politely ask them to allow someone else to have a turn; then don’t acknowledge the interrupting student. Also, speak with him/her privately after class with a positive tone and try to redirect the behavior. As a department chair, I would say that almost all of the student issues that were referred to me could have been prevented had faculty responded from the moment a needy student issue arose.
Realistically, we know that not all student situations can be prevented. What can you do when issues occur?
A Pound of Cure
McKinney (2003) quite rightly suggests being fully aware of what campus resources exist and how to refer students to them: counseling and psychological, health, academic, and disability services; staff and administrative support; and even transportation information and security. Sometimes students will offer you information on their situation that is helpful to retain for the future. I once had a student hand me a small laminated poster on different types of seizures and how to respond; I carried that in my classroom notebook for a few years. Also, don’t be afraid to reach out to these resources. Sometimes faculty feel as if it may reflect badly upon them to refer a student to an academic center or to review a situation with their department chair. The opposite is true: Academic centers want to assist and your supervisor will be glad to see you are taking action to address an issue rather than letting it intensify.
McKinney (2003) also suggests setting a limit on how much time you will spend with a needy student because it is unfair to your other students to let one dominate your time. I used to place a signup sheet on my office door for students to sign up for 15-minute blocks of time; this helped most focus on what they needed to discuss with me, and it gave me a way to end a needy student’s intrusion upon my time. Do be cautious with this, however. To avoid any issues with privacy laws, I would suggest providing students with a random number or something to protect their identity. The signup sheet could also be digital (e.g., a shared document in Google Docs) to limit viewers. The reason for the appointment should never be listed. With these pre-established time limits, you could bring closure to a conversation with a referral to other resources.
The most difficult and probably the most frequently given piece of advice is to avoid letting the student draw you into their mess. You are providing them with the quality classroom experience they signed up for; you’ve shared some relevant resources. You are not responsible for providing advice on their personal lives; you do not need to give them a ride to and from campus; and you certainly do not need to hand over the management of your class to a needy student. McKinney (2003) suggests learning to be respectful, professional, calm, and in control during even the most difficult student exchanges. This is not easy, but frequently this approach along with some redirection works to diffuse a needy student. I would also suggest debriefing yourself after a difficult student situation by venting to a colleague or consulting with your supervisor.
Overall, these common sense tips can help when faced with needy students. Keep in mind that just because you care and want your students to succeed, you do not have to turn yourself into a martyr for their cause. Remember, too, that by adhering to the above, you are being a good role model to your students and providing them with the tools that can help them become less needy in the future.